Options…

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Now that the initial shock of our fertility issues has worn off, we find ourselves thinking of what lengths we are willing to go to become parents.  This is certainly a very individual decision and I have zero judgment towards anyone who chooses to pursue a path different than ours.  The wait list for the local fertility clinic in my city is quite long and it will likely be another few months before we get in for an initial appointment.  I look forward to receiving some more clarification about the issues we are facing and feel hopeful that there may still be an opportunity for me to experience pregnancy.  That being said, my hubby and I are feeling that pursuing some of the more intense fertility treatments, such as IVF, will not be a road we are willing to travel.

That decision in itself, limits us to three possible outcomes: (1) Being childless DINKs who can continue to be self absorbed and self indulgent until we land ourselves in the nursing home;  (2) we win the “lottery” of conception and somehow create a mini human of our own DNA; or (3) we adopt.

Last month when we began to explore the idea of adoption, we were quite terrified. There are many factors to consider (e.g. private, domestic, international, foster parent to adoption, etc.) The agency we were in contact with sent us their current application package in which we are asked to meticulously detail each flaw in ourselves, our partner, and our extended family. Am I thrilled to share that I was an awkward anxious teenager?  No. Am I excited to reveal all of our families’ hard times? Of course not! The application reminds us that we are far from perfect and makes us question whether we are entitled to a child of our own either through our pregnancy or someone else’s. Who would pick us?  The odds of adopting an infant domestically are about as encouraging as the odds of successful IVF.  And the costs are not much different either.

All we can do is be honest and hope that whomever reviews our application can see that some of the hard times that my hubby and I have been through have shaped us into the people we are today.  And I think we are pretty good people.  Am I likely to put the kid’s diaper on backward? Absolutely!  Will I have days where my patience wears thin and I speak to my child in a way that I regret? Yes!  Will my hubby and I disagree about parenting strategies? Of course! In acknowledging the mistakes we are bound to make, I also know that we will love our little human fiercely.  We will encourage him or her to be kind to others, to embody honesty and humility, and to practice forgiveness.  We will be teachers, adventurers, comforters, and encouragers. I hope that any mistakes we make can be compensated by the immense desire we have to live out our lives with someone who shares our last name, our home, our memories, and our future.

Next weekend we will attend an adoption seminar as the very first step in trying to figure out if adoption will be an option we wish to pursue.  We will go to the fertility clinic when our names come up on the wait list.  We will continue to try to conceive on our own.  The thought that we have so many hopeful options gives me more comfort than I can express.

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