I feel the same kind of hopeful optimism that I did when we first started trying to conceive…between the clomid, a 15lb weight loss, and successful varicocele embolization, I feel that there is a possibility that this month may be different. My hubby has been asking me daily for the past few days if I feel anything. Sadly, that answer is no. I am guessing that at this point I am about 9DPO but will wait until day 30 of my cycle to test. Before the clomid, my cycles were 30 days on average so this seems to make the most sense. We are leaving on vacation the week after so I also need to be certain whether I’m pregnant or not so I can go pick up some more clomid to take with me.
Although there is most certainly optimism this month, I feel it has been clouded with a bit of situational depression. Everything feels annoying, I’m tired but restless, and I’m having a difficult time living in the present. If I could have a time machine to fast forward to Day 30 I would be thrilled.
I know that I need to find ways to make each day meaningful without focusing on what is going to happen tomorrow. This week I threw myself into some good projects like decorating our guest room and joining a dodgeball team. I am hoping some fun distraction will help me out.
A friend of mine told me about an amazing psychic she went to see a few weeks back so I booked myself in and am really looking forward to connecting with her on Tuesday. I am going with only one question on my mind. I need to know a general timeline. I am in a weird limbo of trying to conceive and being hopeful for an adoption placement. This means that the opportunity to parent could arise at anytime in the next three years. I feel like if I could have a very general sense of when this might happen I can stop being so anxious about the “what ifs.” I know it is crazy to put so much hope into seeing a psychic but it’s where I am at in the middle of this dreaded two week wait.