As much as I dreaded starting Clomid once again, the beginning of the cycle went relatively smoothly. Aside from aching knees and some minor cramping, no major side effects. We were blessed to take a vacation to California last week which would seem like the perfect distraction from the let down of last month not working out. Awkwardly we were staying with hubby’s parents and this just so happened to be smack dab in the 10 day baby making window. A few days in, I came down with a disgusting cold and pink eye but there was no way in hell we were going to waste our clomid investment this month. Needless to say, sexy time was not pleasant. The scheduled sex is bad enough, but throwing a drippy nose and crusty eyes in the mix was a dreadful reminder of our infertility and our desperation. But, we made it through and all I can do now is look back and laugh.
I feel more realistic this cycle. As the months continue to pass us by I recognize our odds of conceiving get smaller and smaller. After this month, I have one more month of Clomid to go….and then we are done. We are not candidates for IUI due to low sperm count and we have decided that IVF is not for us. We are on a domestic adoption wait list so regardless, we WILL become parents in the next few years.
I discussed my intention to adopt with my boss a few months back and am having regrets. An opportunity to attend a conference in the Fall came up and she is sending 2/3 team leads. I’m the odd man out. She said it wasn’t in the budget but I can’t help but to think her knowing my plan to take a parental leave when the opportunity arises has her counting me out. The glass ceiling is real.
I read an article about a mother who was dangling her toddler over the cheetah exhibit at the Cleveland zoo and accidentally dropped her child in the enclosure. Resentful me thinks, “and these are the people who get to have children.” I hope those who experience pregnancy realize how lucky they are.
Despite these frustrations, there are many things to be grateful for. I have my health, an amazing hubby, a job that I love, a beautiful extended family, and two delightful fur children. Here’s hoping I can make it through the two week wait without a major meltdown like last month.