Part way through the work day yesterday, my personal phone began to ring, with a mysterious “Blocked Caller.” It was a Social Worker through our Adoption Agency asking for a “consultation.” I quickly racked my brain trying to recall the meaning behind this adoption lingo but was interrupted by her launching into the story of a birthmother-to-be. They were calling to inquire as to whether we would be open to showing our profile to her.
I was in utter shock to get a phone call. In my mind, it would be at minimum another year before they were down far enough on the wait list where we might be considered for placements. It quickly became apparent why they had worked their way down to our spot on the list. The birthmother’s situation was quite complex. I jotted down notes as we chatted with promise to call back after I consulted hubby.
I caught hubby on the tail end of his lunch break. He was as unprepared as I was. I barely got any of the details out before he said “no.” I pleaded with him to make these decisions with fact in mind and not pure emotion. We agreed to discuss in more depth at home when we had time to actually process this very big decision. To be honest, I’m not surprised he said no. He heard the details and thought of all of the children he teaches with learning plans and behavioural issues. I heard the details and thought of clients I had worked with who had been able to overcome more difficult circumstances.
It was a very difficult conversation which required us to have a good hard look at the “Child Desired Checklist” we completed months ago. Ultimately, there was only one factor present that we said “no” to when we completed that list. But, the fact that so many of the complexities we indicated we were open to were present in this one particular opportunity made it a very difficult decision.
In the end, we have chosen not to have our profile shown. It makes me sad that we have to make these decisions without even meeting the birthmother. I know how often what is put down on paper does not translate into real life. I felt more inclined to say yes, but hubby and I agree that we need to enter a potential adoption without either feeling coerced or pushed.
I have mixed emotions. A carrot was dangled. The baby is to be born in June. There was an opportunity for our dream of becoming parents to come to fruition in a month’s time. I feel terrified and unprepared. I feel disappointed this was not the right opportunity for us. I am reminded of my infertility grief – we have much less control of how and when we become parents and there is greater uncertainty as to what special characteristics our future child will have.
I also have hope. We got a phone call. This might actually happen for us one day. Although this wasn’t the right time for us, our time WILL come.
Between my very difficult week of grieving and this completely unexpected phone call, I am emotionally exhausted. But my hope is restored…and sometimes that is all you need.