Unexpected Phone Calls….

Part way through the work day yesterday, my personal phone began to ring, with a mysterious “Blocked Caller.” It was a Social Worker through our Adoption Agency asking for a “consultation.”  I quickly racked my brain trying to recall the meaning behind this adoption lingo but was interrupted by her launching into the story of a birthmother-to-be.  They were calling to inquire as to whether we would be open to showing our profile to her.

I was in utter shock to get a phone call.  In my mind, it would be at minimum another year before they were down far enough on the wait list where we might be considered for placements.  It quickly became apparent why they had worked their way down to our spot on the list.  The birthmother’s situation was quite complex.  I jotted down notes as we chatted with promise to call back after I consulted hubby.

I caught hubby on the tail end of his lunch break.  He was as unprepared as I was.  I barely got any of the details out before he said “no.” I pleaded with him to make these decisions with fact in mind and not pure emotion. We agreed to discuss in more depth at home when we had time to actually process this very big decision.  To be honest, I’m not surprised he said no.  He heard the details and thought of all of the children he teaches with learning plans and behavioural issues.  I heard the details and thought of clients I had worked with who had been able to overcome more difficult circumstances.

It was a very difficult conversation which required us to have a good hard look at the “Child Desired Checklist” we completed months ago.  Ultimately, there was only one factor present that we said “no” to when we completed that list.  But, the fact that so many of the complexities we indicated we were open to were present in this one particular opportunity made it a very difficult decision.

In the end, we have chosen not to have our profile shown.  It makes me sad that we have to make these decisions without even meeting the birthmother.  I know how often what is put down on paper does not translate into real life.  I felt more inclined to say yes, but hubby and I agree that we need to enter a potential adoption without either feeling coerced or pushed.

I have mixed emotions.  A carrot was dangled.  The baby is to be born in June.  There was an opportunity for our dream of becoming parents to come to fruition in a month’s time.  I feel terrified and unprepared.  I feel disappointed this was not the right opportunity for us.  I am reminded of my infertility grief – we have much less control of how and when we become parents and there is greater uncertainty as to what special characteristics our future child will have.

I also have hope.  We got a phone call.  This might actually happen for us one day.  Although this wasn’t the right time for us, our time WILL come.

Between my very difficult week of grieving and this completely unexpected phone call, I am emotionally exhausted.  But my hope is restored…and sometimes that is all you need.

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3 thoughts on “Unexpected Phone Calls….

  1. Oh, man, I cannot imagine the emotional toll this would cause!! We checked a few boxes that say “on a case to case basis” and until reading your experience I hadn’t really thought about how hard it will be for us to get that phone call and to say no. Thank you for sharing, in a small way I feel a bit more prepared for that possibility knowing that it actually does happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yay! I’m so glad you got a phone call. Any news feels like good news, on some level, when the waiting is long.

    The matchmaking process has been a challenge for us, and sometimes I regret saying no to the cases we’ve said no to. Blogging has helped a lot, since I can always go back and read exactly why we made the decision to say no in particular cases. I did that last night in a moment of desperation, when I was beating myself up about a baby to be born this week, a baby we could have been parents to. Looking back, I know that each “no” was for the best, but I forget it sometimes.

    I don’t know what your particular “no” on the checklist was, but for us one of the most challenging topics to wrestle with has been substance abuse. I just updated our post on the topic…things I wish I’d thought about earlier (https://abiggertent.wordpress.com/tag/substance-exposure/).

    Good luck in your decision-making process!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you sooo much for sharing this with me. I keep wondering if we will have regrets as it will likely be a very long time before we get another call. Wishing you the right match in the near future!!

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