This month marks three years since we first started trying to conceive.  Never in my dreams (or more realistically, nightmares) did I ever think that we would be childless three years later.  I remember those first few months of trying…the money spent on pregnancy tests days before my period was even due; daydreaming about how we would announce our news; planning our life around hypothetical due dates.  I laugh at my naiveté.

Although the last three years have brought much grief and loss surrounding our experience with infertility, I also had many gains that would not have occurred if we had become pregnant when intended.  I take solace in these gifts and remind myself this unanticipated journey to parenthood has shaped me for the better.

When we are matched, the gratitude I will have for finally being a mother will far exceed anything I could have experienced had we become pregnant immediately.  I aim to be less focused on tomorrow and appreciate the present with my child, because in all likelihood, we will get the opportunity to parent once.  When I feel cross, or tired, or anxious, I will remind myself of how much I longed for these moments; the beautiful and the difficult included.

On this not so happy anniversary I am reminded of the divine gift that is parenting.  I am grateful for all that I have and all that I hope to receive.  Thinking of all my fellow infertiles who are keenly aware of difficult anniversaries such as these…


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