A girlfriend asked if we could get together and I agreed to set up a date when I returned from our week away. I suspected she planned to tell me she was pregnant as her and I tend to usually hang out with our core group of friends, but never really on our own. I was feeling excited for her as she had been trying at least a year to get pregnant and had briefly mentioned seeing the same fertility specialist as we had. It was very thoughtful of her to plan to tell me in person as she herself is all too aware of the myriad of emotions a pregnancy announcement can bring.
While I was away, she went for a 12-week ultrasound and sadly discovered she lost the baby without explanation. Understandably, she is devastated. She had finally become pregnant on her third round of IUI. My heart is broken for them.
Why is it some get pregnant the first month of trying? Or other takes months or years to become pregnant, only to miscarry? Sometimes it seems like those who would make the very best parents, struggle the most to add to their families. I am trying to focus less on the injustice of it all and instead direct my energy to appreciating the miracle that is parenthood. What an absolute gift. I hope those lucky enough to have a child realize just how blessed they are.
I myself, have never experienced the trauma of pregnancy loss. At this stage in our journey, I can’t even fathom the pain of believing we finally conceived only to have it taken away. The grief is complicated – there seems to be a lack of protocol in how to process the loss. Does one get to name their child? Have a funeral? Reflect on the dreams and wishes they had for their baby? Too often, families who miscarry suffer in silence; as though the fact their child was unborn makes them less entitled to mourn. I am thankful my friend chose to share her experience so we can hopefully provide some compassion and support to her and her husband. Miscarriages seem to be so much more common than I realized and opening the door for conversation around these experiences gives permission to others to share their grief if they choose. Sending so much love and light to those who have experienced such a loss.