Our curiosity got the best of us last week and we inquired into our status on the wait list.  We started at 147.  We are now at 132.  If they include waiting families who have placed themselves on hold, have been recently placed, or are currently pregnant, that brings us to 106.

It has been one year since we started the adoption process and 8 months since we were officially added to the wait list.  Life continues.  There are some days where I must dig deeper than others to find gratitude for opportunities our childlessness allows us.  A mixture of yearning, hope, and emptiness persists.

I came across this beautiful article the other day https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/parenting/dear-mom-of-an-adopted-child/ and it was enough to make me weep.  Open adoption is such a beautiful gift filled with so many unknowns. I vacillate from yearning to complete terror when I think about all of the possible outcomes.  But I guess that’s just what it means to be a parent in general.

My husband and I have started a ritual at bedtime where we each thank one another for something we appreciated from our partner that day.  We have also made our greetings when arriving home after work more intentional. I am so grateful for him.  Even if our little family of two stays the same for another few years to come, I know I couldn’t be luckier to have him by my side.

Three years of trying to conceive, one year since starting the adoption process…I hope the year ahead allows me the courage to find gratitude in my every day.



One thought on “Purgatory

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