Weird Day

It’s been awhile since I’ve last posted…I feel this is a reflection of feeling a bit better these days.  I still read others’ blogs daily but I haven’t had much to say.  Although Mother’s Day is always tough, this one was a little less so this year.  I’ve accepted our fate of waiting.

Awhile back I posted about our dilemma whether to purchase cancellation insurance for the remaining balance of our Africa trip.  We ultimately decided against it.  We were so low on the list and the tiny number of placements made so far this year has been discouraging.  We figured it wasn’t worth another $1500 and decided to place ourselves “on hold” on the wait list until we return from our trip late August.  While on hold, you still move up spots on the list as others are placed, but your profile is not shown.

Today I received a phone call from the social worker we met with about a month to update our home study.  I automatically assumed she was calling to share that our update was complete and ready for our review and sign off.  Wrong.

When I placed us on hold, I asked for an update of our status on the wait list.  The last time I did this, they told us we had been shown once last year.  When the agency shared our current status, no updates about showings were included.  Today we learned that prior to being put on hold, a birth parent had our profile in her hands.  And today she requested to view our home study.  The agency was in a panic when they realized we were technically on hold.

This Africa trip has always been about distraction and trying to live our lives in the context of a painstaking wait.  We will gladly cancel should we be placed.  I immediately consented to our home study being shown to the birth parent while hubby promptly purchased cancellation insurance for the remaining sum of our trip.

This is the strangest journey.  I feel protective of my heart.  I’m not sure whether I should be excited that someone is looking at us more closely or if I should limit my hope.  The agency can’t tell us anything at this point.  The birth parent could be looking at 20 home studies for all we know.

My hubby is thrilled and optimistic.  I am always the more cautious one.  But I want to be so hopeful.  I want to believe that this could be our big chance.  Our match.  The next number of days will be torture as we wait to find out if anything will come of this.  Today I will be grateful that we have the opportunity to be considered.   That is such a huge gift in itself.  Someone looked at our little profile and thought, “these two could be the right parents for my child.” Wild.


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