I have read our profile book at least 20 times this weekend.  Our lengthy home study has also received far too much of my attention.  As I comb through the words and analyze the photos I keep thinking that a birth parent could be doing the exact same thing at the exact same moment as me; contemplating whether we are “the one.”

I can see why the agency does not typically tell you whether your profile has gone out.  These few days of uncertainty and not knowing is incredibly difficult.  Hubby and  I want to be so hopeful that something may come of this but we are also trying to be nonchalant to protect ourselves.

My greatest struggle today is not knowing.  Will the agency tell us either way?  How long might it take for us to get some news?  If this is our match then what will happen next?  Are we ready for this?  How do we balance wanting this to happen for us so very badly with honouring that the birth family has the absolute right to change their minds at any time during this process?

For someone who loves to plan ahead and feel in control, this is truly the biggest test the universe has thrown my way.  I hope I can maintain some grace (and my sanity) in the days ahead.



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