In my most recent post I discussed my frustration with not being able to reach our agency’s social worker regarding a promised update. I called again the next day (Friday) and left another message with the receptionist. When Thursday came around this week and I still had not heard back, I emailed someone else in the agency to learn that the particular social worker we were dealing with is now on vacation until the end of the month. This was just another drop in the bucket of resentment we were feeling towards our agency.
roken promises of communication, a breech in our confidentiality when they sent our invoice to my husband’s brother, and inaccurate information sharing have significantly impacted our trust in them. They are the sole link to us realizing our dream of becoming parents. And to lose faith in their ability to make this dream a reality has been depressing.
We have debated for months whether there was merit in providing feedback to the agency about our perceptions and how we were feeling impacted. We felt the risk of being labelled as “troublemakers” far outweighed the benefits. It felt terrifying to potentially piss off the very people who hold the power in showing our profile.
With the lack of follow through this week, my resentment boiled over. I hate the negativity I have been feeling towards our agency. After much contemplation, my husband and I decided to send a carefully worded email to our agency’s director sharing our concerns. We agreed our sole purpose in taking this step was to allow us to feel empowered. Infertility has stolen all sense of control we have over growing our family. Asserting ourselves and asking for acknowledgment and support gives us back our power while putting a cap on our growing resentment.
The director responded 25 minutes after the agency opened for the day with a beautifully validating and compassionate email. Honestly, it was exactly what we needed. I feel 100 pounds lighter today. I am so relieved we finally made the hard decision to be vulnerable and share our feelings. We are realistic that this process will con
tinue to be messy, filled with ambivalence and a myriad of emotions. But we also know that we are brave and that we have permission to speak up when we have needs that are not being met. I feel proud of us…