The Elephant(s) in the Room…

Yesterday we had our first family get together since my brother and sister both announced they were expecting little ones five weeks apart.  We showed up 15 minutes early to discover everyone else was already there.  Aside from the few times I asked questions about their pregnancies or baby plans, no one made any sort of baby talk.  It was strange.

Hubby and I were dreading family get togethers once we learned there were multiple babies on the way.  We assumed that all we would talk about on my side of the family for the next number of months were babies.  So yesterday felt odd.

We’ve come to the conclusion that they all got together a bit earlier than our arrival and made the decision not to discuss babies/pregnancy in our presence.  Part of me appreciates the sentiment, but another part of me is just plain annoyed/saddened.  This is another perfect example of our family and friends “being damned if you and damned if you don’t.”  Do I need to be coddled?  Probably.  Do I wish that we could just carry on like a normal family excited to welcome some little ones?  Of course I do!

In pondering whether I should mention the avoidance of the “two baby elephants in the room” to my parents, my husband made the perfect point: “We are not responsible for other peoples’ choices.”  If they decided that this is what makes them feel the most comfortable, then who am I to demand anything else?  At least I didn’t feel the need to go home and cry from jealousy.  Maybe they did really do us a favour.

I’ll be curious to see how the next few family events go…


6 thoughts on “The Elephant(s) in the Room…

  1. That’s a tough spot to be in. I know everyone is different but I got to the point where I appreciated people not talking about their babies around me (especially after our m/c). I do though how you wish you could be in a place where it wasn’t an issue

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The struggle is real, I hear ya. Wanting to be happy for them, knowing deep down you are… but everyone knowing too that you’re dying inside and wanting to spare you. I feel so guilty that my reality potentially keeps others from enjoying theirs, it adds another layer to the pain. And lord god, pity is almost worse.


  3. Echoing both previous commentators! We just found out my BIL and his wife (both 4 years younger than us) got pregnant on accident… Happy but dying and “damned if you do/don’t” are about perfect. I’m hoping family gatherings don’t become dreaded…

    Liked by 1 person

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