Updates about nothing…

Since we decided to share our discouragement with our agency, they have been fabulous about checking in with us regularly as promised.  As long as they aren’t secretly hating us behind our backs, it feels like reaching out to them and providing feedback was more than worth it.

Update time: Birth mom with the Christmas due date missed her first meeting with the social worker a few weeks back.  Her circumstances sound overwhelming and I can imagine that planning too far ahead feels very challenging.  Our social worker let us know that she had rebooked to meet with birth mom this past Friday and would be taking our profile along with four others to the meeting.  Today, we learned that birth mom was a no show for this visit.

Despite the fact that we have less than a 20% chance of being considered, we are invested in this deeply.  We vacillate between allowing ourselves to have excited conversations about becoming parents at Christmas to being totally nonchalant and emotionally closed off.  Another missed meeting jolts us back into the reality that birth mom is a long way from making a decision about placement and may be experiencing circumstances far more difficult than what has been shared with us thus far. We feel more afraid than ever to get our hopes up.

The hardest nugget in all of this is that we recently learned that she is pregnant with twins.  What a dream come true it would be to have two children!  We had long ago given up on the hope of having more than one child.  At our ages, it didn’t feel like a realistic goal.  Being placed with two children would be incredible.

Through this process I am learning that each potential match, no matter how quickly it comes and goes, takes a little piece of my heart with it.  When I think of the birth mothers and the little ones that could have been but were not, I feel a longing I cannot put into words. The list of humans I feel connected to despite never meeting continues to grow as our wait goes on.


4 thoughts on “Updates about nothing…

  1. My husband and I just had a baby placed with us for adoption (!!!!!), but I still think about the other potential matches we had. Our first maybe-match was twins. We said no because it was 2 weeks after our homestudy was finalized and we were starting our first ART treatment. I panicked with thoughts of adopting twins and then having twins through IVF. That was the only situation we said “no” to and I think about those babies. In hindsight, we would go through years of treatment and waiting before getting the match that is our baby boy. It’s amazing how you can become so attached to something that was never truly “real”…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Congratulations on becoming parents to your little one! It gives me so much hope to hear of others making it through the adoption process!! How long did you end up having to wait for your little boy to be matched with you?


  2. You may not feel it, but I read strength in your words… that you have pieces of your heart go out of you with each new “maybe” and you continue on. There’s hope that something will come to fill those pieces one way or another. I pray that you have the will to carry on and keep letting time march, bring you closer to the fulfillment in store for you. Thank you for sharing this.


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