Limbo Continues…

We still have not heard whether we are out of the running for the precious twins due to arrive around Christmas. It has been over two months since we learned we were being considered by this birthmother.  Last week, an agency Social Worker checked in with us and I boldly allowed myself to ask a few questions.  It was clarified that the babies are actually due mid January, but as twins rarely go full term, they are estimating a late December arrival.  This piece of info has helped immensely with my expectations around when birthmother may make a decision as I originally believed that her due date was Christmas and anticipated babies would arrive late November.

I also learned that birthmother feels that she will be able to select a family from the five original profiles she was given.  I was not brave enough to ask whether birthmother has requested to view any home studies.  Honestly, after coming so close in May, I would rather not know how close we get to being chosen.  I feel it adds to the heartbreak when we aren’t selected.  In addition, we learned our agency has not made a single placement in the past month and recently updated their expected wait times for potential adoptive families to an average of 3 to 4 years.  We have not even made it to the two years of waiting marker yet and understand that if we are not chosen this time, we likely have years ahead of us before being matched.

So, I’ve managed to check my phone far less the last two weeks but I still think of birthmother and her growing little ones multiple times per day.  It doesn’t help that a gal I work with announced she is expecting twins this week after one round of Clomid.

Hubby and I still haven’t shared that this birthmother is expecting twins with anyone except for one close friend.  I have a strange fantasy of re-creating a video that made the rounds on social media where new parents surprised their family with twins when they told everyone they were expecting just one.  Infertility has taken so much magic out of growing our family and it would be so incredible to have a moment like that.

My feelings about our current limbo change daily if not hourly.  Some moments I allow myself to be hopeful.  Other moments I convince myself our odds are slim and anticipate how I will take care of myself in grief around the holidays.  I have no idea when we will get our next update but I sure hope it’s soon.  Limbo is hard.

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