When the world doesn’t make sense…

First things first…still no news about the birth mom we continue to be contenders for.  We are three months in since learning we were being considered.  I’ve resolved myself to not ask our agency for any more updates about this particular case.  It sounds likely that this birth mother will wait until very close to giving birth before making her decision which means we need to be prepared to cope with another month of uncertainty.

On to my pondering of the day…I’ve mentioned before that I work in social services and spend most of days supporting individuals with significant mental illness.  The program I’m involved with does not work with families so I come across children very infrequently.  Yesterday, I was involved in sorting out a very yucky situation with a client who has been victimized by a not so nice individual who I believe to be involved in some fairly serious criminal activity.  When I went to visit my client yesterday, this not so nice person, who I will refer to as “tear drop tattoo face” was present, along with his two month old baby.  I ultimately needed to involve police and got a call from Child and Family Services later in the day who is now investigating tattoo face and his baby’s safety and wellness.  I think it was very likely tattoo face was dealing drugs out of the child’s stroller yesterday.

My heart breaks for this little one.  I think it is appropriate for me to assume that baby’s father is making choices that will negatively impact his little one for a lifetime.  I know that I won’t be a perfect parent but I do believe my hubby and I are in a position to offer a child more stability, love, and safety than tattoo face is offering his newborn.

This universe doesn’t always make sense to me.  Why are we infertile and tattoo face is a parent?

Yet as I am having these feelings of judgment I remind myself that my future child’s birth family may have very similar circumstances in their histories and I need to change my attitude from being critical to finding compassion.  Maybe tattoo face has had a terrible life and does not know any other way to provide for little one aside from dealing drugs.

This situation reminds me of the incredible strength and selflessness birth families show when choosing adoption for their child.  To be able to accept that you are not in a position to care for your flesh in blood would be heart wrenching.  I have so much admiration for families who choose this path.

Little one in the stroller  – thinking of you and sending so much love and light your way.  May this universe bless you and keep you safe.



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