Farewell 2016… In reflecting on this past year, it was a year of highs and lows. We entered our second year on the domestic adoption wait list which lead to an almost match in May 2016. Our nursery is finished, we attended an adoptive parent infant care course, and we updated our profile. It was incredibly painful to come so close and we were so grateful to have our trip of a life time to Africa in August 2016 to focus on as we grieved. We have been in limbo for almost four months about a possible match with a birthmother expecting twins but learned in December she has stopped contacting the agency. We realize that this likely won’t work out but haven’t given up hope yet. The four months of limbo have been very trying.
My husband celebrated 8 years of sobriety and continues to be a mentor to those around him. There is safety and stability in our relationship. Our time in Africa together reinforced how obsessed I am with him. I cannot wait for him to be a father.
Work was incredibly challenging but the most rewarding of my five years with our program. There was significant staff turnover that in the moment felt hard but opened the door for some absolutely incredible hires. We lost clients tragically but we also welcomed new clients and witnessed their inspirational determination and resiliency.
We went to the vet with our two dogs more times than I can count. Thinking of them aging and not being with me for my lifetime breaks my heart so I am trying appreciate my daily snuggles and that days of good health that they have.
We welcomed a niece on my husband’s side. My two siblings are expecting this spring.
In 2016 I focused on choosing guilt over resentment. I hope to continue this theme in 2017. I hate to let people down, I often over commit, and quietly resent. This year I tried to say “no” more often and instead embraced opportunities that fulfilled me as opposed to draining my energy. I spent time doing activities that wouldn’t be possible in early parenthood and instead of feeling sadness, I chose gratitude.
January 2017 brings our second anniversary on the domestic adoption waitlist. I believe that our movement towards the front of the waitlist this year will bring the possibility of a match. If I am being honest, I will be very disappointed if we head into 2018 without a child. That being said, we will not put all of our energy into waiting and will continue to live our lives. I am headed to India in February and my husband is planning a trip to Peru in the summer. We recognize we need other things to be excited about as we wait and we are willing to lose money should these trips be cancelled.
This blog has been such an important outlet for me. I have seen those I follow have successful pregnancies, heartbreaking losses, while some continue to wait for their dream of having a family come true just like us. I truly hope that 2017 is THE year.